A seeming paradox that I realised whilst lying in bed contemplating the nature of love (it seems to be the dominant thought of the week - perhaps assessing why is, in itself, worthy of another blog post.)
Society places a lot of emphasis, or so I feel, on the primacy of the individual. Without even thinking about it, I buy into this sense of individuality over community - and consequently I live alone in a house which is too big for me by half, and wave my hands in front of my face in horror if it's ever suggested that I share it with somebody.
Consumerism ensures that this primacy is re-inforced - I buy non-essential objects in order to placate the great mirrory eye of society, for I cannot bear to see its disgust reflected back at me. I read about the golden ratio, and, realising that I am out of proportion, seek to redress the balance lest a less-than-favourable judgement be cast.
This is how things are, until a person begins to think for himself. Even so, it takes an outstanding individual to absolve himself of all guilt for not managing to live up to the airbrushed, muscular perfection of popular culture. Popular culture leaks through the cracks of one's psyche - I have little interest in television, or films, or music, and yet those Platonic ideals are lodged in my brain like a bullet. 'Self-improvement' means to edge closer to those ideals, until I can overcome it, when the imperative becomes: be true to the self.
Then we have love. The most enduring quality of love is that it requires a person to relinquish his sense of individuality, and throw his lot into something shared and democratic. That it does not come easy should hardly be surprising in the light of what is written above - we are expected to turn away from arguably the most enduring, deep-seated lesson of a western upbringing, and adapt seamlessly to its opposite.
Is it any wonder that relationships fail? Is it any wonder that being with another person can cause sadness and desperation? If nothing else, I feel that the awareness of the trap which has been unintentionally set can help avoid being caught up in it in the future, and avoid making decisions which are selfish and damaging. First, though, comes realisation - and that doesn't come with practice, or even with effort; it instead cleaves consciousness at the most inopportune moments.
