I read today about Miranda Hodgson, a one-time ambitious career woman who anticipated she would spend most of her life repeatedly spinning on the wheel of aspiration:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2008/aug/04/healthandwellbeing.familyandrelationships
Despite academic and professional success, Hodgson nevertheless felt an absence, a hole which no amount of plaudits could fill.
As you are capable of reading, the absence was removed - not filled, but removed - by Hodgson training to become a Zen Buddhist.
Your author wishes to also clamber down from the wheel of aspiration by descending the steps of himself, and look upon the world from his low trajectory. Therefore your author has already failed the first test, in that he wishes for anything at all.
The realisation dawned on your author long ago that there is no way of unpinning yourself from the perpetually-spinning circle of want. If a way exists of lifting the pressure and misery imposed on humans by the fairground ride onto which we are flung at a very early age, a ride whose apex is marked 'destiny,' then people such as Miranda Hodgson have found it.
There is a need to douse the flame of competitiveness, and to simply exist for the sake of time; time unpunctuated by success, failure, or eventfulness. Time passing, unhurried, and a human in its parentheses, with no desire to search for meaning, or challenge, or elevation. Time referring to nothing, a mind no longer seeking to wrap itself around an idea or cause.
I wish for the removal of everything bar the ticking of bare seconds, one after the other, falling inexorably out of existence. Seconds which confirm an immutability, in your author and in the universe, a cold expanse which is devoid of significance.
